Miguel was happier than he had been in years. But the night before their first anniversary, Sharon left him. She had decided to move to the West Coast to be closer to her children, and she didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Miguel was totally blindsided and utterly devastated. He barely functioned at work for many, many months, and he almost lost his job as a result. Another consequence of heartbreak is that feeling alone and in pain can significantly impair our intellectual functioning, especially when performing complex tasks involving logic and reasoning. Temporarily lowers our IQ.

　　米格比过去几年来都更快乐。但在他们一周年的前一晚，沙伦离开了他。她决定搬到西岸，离她的孩子们近一点，而她不想谈远距离恋爱。米格在毫无防备下受到打击，彻底身心交瘁。许多许多个月，他几乎无法工作，结果他差点丢了饭碗。心碎的另一个后果就是孤独和痛苦的感受 能显著破坏我们的智力运作，特别是在进行涉及逻辑 和推理的复杂工作时。它会让我们的智商暂时下降。

　　But it wasn’t just the intensity of Miguel’s grief that confused his employers; it was the duration. Miguel was confused by this as well and quite embarrassed by it. "What’s wrong with me?" he asked me in our session. "What adult spends almost a year getting over a one-year relationship?" Many do.

　　但让米格的老板感到困惑的，不只是他的悲恸强度，还有时间长度。米格自己也对此感到困惑，且因此觉得很不好意思。「我是怎么搞的?」心理治疗时他这样问我。「什么样的成人会花几乎一年 才能忘怀只维持一年的感情?」 其实，很多成人都如此。

　　Heartbreak shares all the hallmarks of traditional loss and grief: insomnia, intrusive thoughts, immune system dysfunction. Forty percent of people experience clinically measurable depression. Heartbreak is a complex psychological injury. It impacts us in a multitude of ways.

　　心碎，有着传统失去 和悲伤的所有特征：失眠、烦扰的想法、 免疫系统失衡。有四成的人会经历忧郁，且是临床上可测量出来的程度。心碎是一种复杂的心理伤害。它以许多方式影响着我们。

　　For example, Sharon was both very social and very active. She had dinners at the house every week. She and Miguel went on camping trips with other couples. Although Miguel was not religious, he accompanied Sharon to church every Sunday, where he was welcomed into the congregation. Miguel didn’t just lose his girlfriend; he lost his entire social life, the supportive community of Sharon’s church. He lost his identity as a couple.

　　比如，沙伦非常乐于社交，也非常主动。每周她都会在家中办晚餐会。她和米格会和其他情侣或夫妻一起外出露营。虽然米格没有宗教信仰，每个星期日他会陪沙伦去教堂，在教堂，他也被会众欢迎。米格失去的不只是他的女友; 他失去了他的整个社交生活，那个支持他的社群，沙伦的教堂。他失去了身为「一对」的身分。

　　Now, Miguel cognized the breakup had left this huge void in his life, but what he failed to recognize is that it left far more than just one. And that is crucial, not just because it explains why heartbreak could be so devastating, but because it tells us how to heal. To fix your broken heart, you must identify these voids in your life and fill them, and I mean all of them.

　　米格了解到，这次分手让他的人生留下了一个大空洞，但他没有发现，留下的空洞其实不只一个。那是很关键的一点，不单单因为它能解释为什么 心碎这么让人身心交瘁，也因为它告诉我们如何能治愈。要修补你破碎的心，你得要辨识出你人生中的那些空洞，并将之填补起来，我指的是全部的空洞。你身分中的空洞：你得要重新建立你自己和你的生活。

　　The voids in your identity: you must reestablish who you are and what your life is about. The voids in your social life, the missing activities, even the empty spaces on the wall where pictures used to hang. But none of that will do any good unless you prevent the mistakes that can set you back, the unnecessary searches for explanations, idealizing your ex instead of focusing on how they were wrong for you, indulging thoughts and behaviors that still give them a starring role in this next chapter of your life when they shouldn’t be an extra.

　　你社交生活中的空洞：少掉的活动，甚至 墙壁上把以前挂的照片 取下后留下的空白处。但这些都不会有用，除非你能预防不要犯下让你走回头路的错误，不要一直去找没必要的解释，不要把你的前任给理想化，都不想想他们不适合你的地方，还沉迷在让他们 像明星的行为与思想中，在你人生的下一个章节 他们应该是多余的。

　　Getting over heartbreak is hard, but if you refuse to be misled by your mind and you take steps to heal, you can significantly minimize your suffering. And it won’t just be you who benefit from that. You’ll be more present with your friends, more engaged with your family, not to mention the billions of dollars of compromised productivity in the workplace that could be avoided.

　　度过心碎是很难的，但如果你拒绝被你的大脑误导，且能采取疗愈的步骤，你就能显著地 将你所受的苦降至最低。受惠的不只有你。和朋友一起时，你就更能处在当下，和家人更紧密，更不用说在工作上因为生产力降低而造成的 数十亿损失，那是可避免的。

　　So, if you know someone who is heartbroken, have compassion, because social support has been found to be important for their recovery. And have patience, because it’s going to take them longer to move on than you think it should. And if you’re hurting, know this: it’s difficult, it is a battle within your own mind, and you must be diligent to win. But you do have weapons. You can fight. And you will heal. Thank you.(Applause)

　　所以，如果你认识一个心碎的人，要有同理心，因为社交上的支持已证实 对他们的恢复是很重要的。要有耐心，因为要让他们继续前进花的时间会比你预期的还长。如果你会痛，要知道这一点：这很辛苦，这是场 在你自己脑中的战斗，你得要很勤奋才能赢。但你确实有武器。你能战斗。且你会复原。谢谢。(掌声)