上厕所时不要玩手机!

　　Don't Use Your Phone While Pooping

　　拉粑粑的时候不要玩手机

　　Bringing a phone into the bathroom is a gross, terrible idea. Aside from the obvious threat of getting atomized feces all over your touchscreen -- we're just going to leave you with the words "toilet plume[1]" -- spending time scrolling and doing your business and then scrolling some more, instead of just "doing your business" and promptly exiting, can wreak total havoc[2] on your butthole, your colon, and all points in between.

　　把手机带进卫生间是个糟糕透顶的主意。先不说那些显而易见的问题，比如来自遍布你手机屏幕的雾化便便的威胁——我们只留给你一个词“厕所烟团”——而且要是你在卫生间花费很多时间刷手机、忙工作、然后接着继续刷手机，而不是专心赶紧干完“正事儿”麻溜出去，你的屁股眼儿、结肠还有这两点之间的所有身体器官都会收到非常大的损坏。

　　The longer you sit on the pooper, the more likely you are to wreck your rectum, as the human body has evolved[3] to do this business as quickly as possible. So if you're just, like, hanging out on the toilet instead, you're putting unnecessary pressure on your rectum.

　　你坐在马桶上的时间越长，你的直肠就越有可能受到损伤，因为人类的身体早已进化到可以尽快拉完粑粑了。所以，如果你只是在上厕所的时候消磨时光，那么你就是在给你的直肠施加不必要的压力。

　　Sitting around and not pooping is also a good way to keep yourself not pooping, for, like, a while. Let's say, for example, that you feel the need to poop, but, once you get there, you pull up Twitter and get distracted by videos of celebrities kicking caps off bottles. You might at that point experience something called reverse peristalsis, wherein your dookie is pulled back up into your colon.

　　干坐着不拉粑粑也会让自己拉不出粑粑，当然，只是在一段时间内。比方说吧，你觉得有点想去厕所了，但一旦你进了厕所打开微博，就会被名人们踢瓶盖的视频分散了注意力。这个时候，你就可能会经历一种叫做反向蠕动的过程，你的那个小玩意儿被拉回了结肠区域。

　　Since "up" is not the normal direction for poop to go, Your poop has now become hard[4], both literally and figuratively, which will often result in both a prolonged bout of constipation and you one-day-shipping the biggest tub of Miralax you can find on Amazon.

　　因为“向上”并不是排便的正常方向，所以你的便便现在变得硬(难)了，无论是从字面上还是从象征意义上来说都是如此，因为这常常会导致长时间的便秘。

　　Oh, and then there's the threat of nerve and hip pain too--guess where your toilet seat presses against your ass? So in short, don't bring your phone in with you when you poop. Unless you're reading this article, that is. Then have at it.

　　哦对了，上厕所玩手机还有可能面临神经和臀部疼痛的威胁哦——猜猜你的马桶座圈压在屁股上的位置?所以简而言之，你上厕所的时候千万不要带手机，除非你正在用手机读这篇文章……好吧，那就这么着吧。

　　1. plume：[plum] n. 羽毛;羽毛装饰物;飘升之物;(尤指污染物)一团物质;v. 用羽毛装饰;羽毛状展开;(人)搔首弄姿;引以为傲;飘升

　　2. wreak havoc：肆虐;造成严重破坏

　　wreak：[rik] vt. 发泄;报仇;造成(巨大的破坏或伤害)

　　havoc：['hævək] n. 大破坏;浩劫;蹂躏 vt. 严重破坏 vi. 损毁

　　3. evolve：[ɪ'vɑlv] vt. 发展;进化;推断出 vi. 进化;逐步形成

　　4. hard：adj. 努力的;硬的;困难的;辛苦的。所以在原句有两层含义，一个是便便会变硬，另一个是便便会很难排出来(是的，这是个有味道的讲解)

　　不要弓腰，脖子会坏!

　　Hunching Over Screens Ruins Your Neck

　　弯腰看屏幕会毁了你的脖子

　　Remember how a few weeks ago, the internet was aflame with stories of cellphones causing kids to "grow horns"? Well, those headlines have been loudly debunked[1] since then), it is true that spending your day hunched over your phone is terrible for your neck.

　　还记得几周前，互联网上充斥着那些低头玩手机导致孩子头上“长角”的故事吗?(实际上，就是有专家说人们的头骨后面因为长期低头玩手机而长出了小骨刺，并不是在头上长角的这种谣言)。这个消息传出来不久之后，这些标题党的谎言就被无情揭穿了，但可以确定的是，整天弓着腰看手机对你的脖子实在是很不好。

　　Medical professionals call it "text neck" -- a term for all the excess wear and tear that leaning forward to squint at your tiny screen or laptop puts on your neck and back muscles. Like tennis elbow[2] or runner's knee, the culprit[3] is overuse, with the added factor of bending your body in a way it wasn't evolved for.

　　在医学专家口中，这种病症被称为“短信脖”，这是一个专业术语，指的是身体前倾、眯着眼睛看小屏幕或笔记本电脑给颈部和背部肌肉带来的过度磨损。就像“网球肘”、跑步者的膝盖一样，这些病的罪魁祸首就是过度使用，当然还有一个额外的因素就是，长期身体弯曲并不符合人体进化到现在的形态。

　　All technological scaremongering[4] aside, the reality is that the standard human head weighs about 12 pounds, and the standard human neck was built to support about that much, for obvious reasons. But dropping your head forward to look at your phone for hours on end increases the strain on those muscles, the force doubling for each inch off-center you lean[5].

　　抛开所有技术性的危言耸听不谈，现实情况就是，标准的人类头部大约有12磅重，而非常明显，标准的人类脖子就是为了支撑头颅的重量而设计的。但是，如果你一直低着头、连续数小时盯着手机看，就会增加这些肌肉承受的压力，你身体每偏离中心一英寸(约合2.5厘米)，肌肉受到的压力就会增加一倍。

　　In fact, if you've got your chin low enough, the effect is the same as if your head weighed 60 pounds, or almost four of the heaviest street-legal bowling balls.

　　事实上,如果你把你的下巴压到足够低，效果就像是你的头有60磅(约合54斤)，就等同于四个最大的保龄球的重量!

　　All of this unprecedented[6] hunching can result in shoulder and back pain, headaches, arthritis, herniated and bulging discs, pinched nerves, lower blood oxygen levels, and an actual change in the curvature of your neck.

　　所有这些新时代才出现的驼背现象，都会导致肩膀和背部疼痛、头痛、关节炎、椎间盘突出、神经紧缩、血氧水平降低，以及颈部弯曲度的变化。

　　So there's a great chance that a youth spent leaning over a screen will cause you chronic pain later life. How much pain? We don't know.

　　因此，如果你是一个长时间弯腰低头看屏幕的年轻人，那么很有可能这种行为会在以后的生活中给你带来慢性疼痛。多少痛苦?我们不知道。

　　1. debunked ['di'bʌŋk] vt. 揭穿;拆穿…的假面具;暴露 [过去分词：debunked;第三人称单数 debunks]

　　2. elbow ['ɛlbo] n. 肘部;弯头;扶手 vt. 推挤;用手肘推开

　　3. culprit ['kʌlprɪt] n. 犯人，罪犯;被控犯罪的人

　　4. scaremongering n. 散布恐怖消息，制造恐慌

　　5. lean [lin] adj. 瘦且健康的;脂肪少的;贫乏的;高效低耗的 n. 瘦肉;倾斜;倾斜度

　　6. unprecedented [ʌn'prɛsɪdɛntɪd] adj. 空前的;无前例的