冷笑话的精髓在于反转，那些意想不到的结局虽然偶尔会让你尬出一身汗，但是也不得不让你佩服它的脑洞。以下几个来自Instagram上 @Dadsaysjokes的让你猜不到结尾的冷笑话，看看下次你在尬聊的时候会不会用得上!

　　1. An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”

　　The husband says, “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”

　　一对老夫妻在教堂做礼拜。婆婆对公公说“我放了个闷屁，我该咋办呀?”

　　公公说“你的助听器该换电池了……”

　　2. “What’s the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?”

　　“Forget it once.”

　　“最 有效的记住你老婆生日的方法是啥?”

　　“不小心忘一次。”

　　3. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet.

　　I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

　　我很想知道我的父母在网络发明出来之前是如何打发无聊的时光的。

　　我问了我的18个兄弟姐妹，他们也不知道。

　　4. Light travels faster than sound.

　　That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

　　光的传播速度比声音快。

　　所以有些人在张嘴说话之前看起来挺(聪)明亮的。

　　5. It is a five-minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45-minute walk from the bar to my house.

　　The difference is staggering.

　　从我家到酒吧只需要5分钟，但是从酒吧走回我家却要45分钟。

　　这差的也太多了吧!

　　(staggering = so great, shocking or surprising that it is difficult to believe)

　　6. I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

　　She is watching our wedding video again.

　　我看见我微醉的老婆冲着电视大喊：“别进去!别进教堂你个白痴!”

　　哎她又在看我们的婚礼录像了。

　　7. My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married.

　　I asked him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.

　　我儿子想知道结婚是什么感觉。

　　于是我让他走开别烦我，当他走开之后，我又质问他为什么不理我了。

　　8. Son: “Dad. I want to be in politics when I grow up.”

　　Dad: “Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?”

　　Son: “Forget it! There seems to be too many requirements.”

　　儿子：“爸，我长大后想从政。”

　　爸爸：“你疯了么?你脑子不正常么?你是白痴么?”

　　儿子：“当我没说，我不知道从政有这么多要求。”

　　9. I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician!

　　I was just sitting there doing nothing.

　　我简直不敢相信我居然会因为模仿政客而被捕。

　　我只是坐在那里啥也没干啊!

　　10. My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick.

　　Especially when his name is Steve.

　　我老板非常不喜欢我简称他为迪(傻)克(X)。

　　他全名是史蒂芬。

　　11. My biggest talent is always being able to tell what’s in a wrapped present.

　　It’s a gift.

　　我最大的才能是-永远都能猜到包装礼盒里装的是啥。

　　是礼物!

　　12. I went for a job interview and they asked me to state my biggest weakness in three words.

　　“Not very good at math.” I replied.

　　我去面试，面试官让我用三个字陈述一下我最大的弱点。

　　我回答说：“算数学的不咋滴。”

　　13. Waiter: “I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?”

　　Dad: “Why would I want two empty glasses?”

　　服务员：“我看您的杯子空了，请问您还需要再来一杯么?”

　　我爸：“我为啥会想要俩空杯子?”

　　14. I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn’t actually mine.

　　Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

　　当我老婆告诉我，我面前这位六岁的儿子其实不是我亲生儿子的时候，我都要吓死了!

　　很显然，下次放学接孩子的时候，我得注意点儿了。

　　15. When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”

　　I replied, “Sure, it does. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

　　我老婆看到我在洗手间的体重秤上努力收着肚子，她大笑着说“你收肚子有啥用!”

　　我回答道：“当然有用，这样我才看得到称上的数字啊!”

　　16. If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.

　　No need to remind her every half hour.

　　如果一位女士说她15分钟后就准备好出发了，她就会的。

　　用不着每隔半个小时催她一次。

　　17. If anyone is alone for Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know.

　　I really need to borrow some chairs.

　　如果有哪位同志孤身一人自己过圣诞节，请一定告诉我。

　　我急需借几把椅子。

　　18. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

　　She gave me a hug.

　　我跟我老婆说“你应该接(拥)受(抱)你犯的错误。”

　　她转身给了我一个抱抱。

　　(embrace = to accept an idea, a proposal, a set of beliefs, etc,)

　　19. (At my boss’s funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin):

　　“Who’s thinking outside the box now, Gary?”

　　(在我老板的葬礼上，我跪在他的棺材旁小声说)：

　　“嘿Gary，看看现在是谁在盒子外头动脑创新呢。”

　　(think outside the box = think out of the box = to think about something, or how to do something, in a way that is new, different or shows imagination)

　　20. I took my 8-year-old daughter to the office on “Take Your Kid To Work Day”, but when we walked into the office she started to cry. As concerned staff gathered around, I asked her what was wrong.

　　And she said, “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”

　　在“带娃去上班日”我带着我8岁的女儿去了办公室。但是我们一进办公室她就哭了。同事们都担心的围了过来，我问她怎么了。

　　她哭着说：“爸爸，你说的那些跟你工作的小丑都在哪呢?”

　　(clown = a person that you disapprove of because they act in a stupid way)