吐槽:第一次约会的糗事 你有过吗?

2015-07-06 13:54



  1. "I got sick from the food we ate at a restaurant, it did not agree with my stomach. On the freeway on the way home, I just couldn't 'hold it' anymore. My date kindly and quickly pulled off the road on an offramp, and I jumped out. It was desert terrain... No bushes!“


  In the cool night air, with only my date's car shielding me from the freeway, I had to relieve myself to end my gastrointestinal torture. When I was done... no toilet paper. My date went to his trunk and retrieved one of his custom-tailored white French-cuff suit shirts that was supposed to be dropped off at the cleaners the next morning... He donated the shirt to my cause. We left the shirt by the road side, BTW.


  Although totally embarrassed and humiliated, I got back into the car. Not only did my date handle the entire situation with compassion (although he still calls me Freeway), he took me back to the restaurant and raised a little hell about the incident their food had just created. We not only continued to date, we married and just celebrated 17 years in April.


  2. "I went on a date with a guy who seemed totally normal, and together for the first half of the date, but then he started talking about these flowers that he grew, and how the flowers told him secrets, and expanded his mind, and made him whole. Took me a minute to realize he was saying that he grew pot, and consumed massive quantities of it every day. And it was apparently his whole life. Then he 'forgot' his wallet when the check came. Yeah, that was enough."


  3. "On our first date, I had a boy pick me up in an old Bobtail loaded with cattle. The cows were crapping over the side of the truck onto my parents' suburban sidewalk. I married him."


  4. "One date I went on, the guy told me that he was addicted to coke."


  5. "He was studying a degree in Forensic Science at the time and told me, 'I know how to get rid of a body so no one would ever know it was me, or where to find it.' Needless to say, I didn't pursue this romantic endeavour."


  6. "It was his birthday, so I offered to take him out to a nice rooftop restaurant. The drinks came and one of them spilled on the table, he stopped the waitress from wiping it up and proceeded to slurp it off of the table and said 'these drinks ain't cheap' (as though he was paying). Then he spent the rest of the night on his phone.


  7. "The 'gentleman' told me that he did not believe in domestic violence as a crime since it was needed to keep women in their place."


  8. "He talked like a baby. He put chopsticks in his mouth and pretended to be a mammoth."


  9. "He apologized for slavery over dinner."


  10. "It was wing night, we ordered 40 wings, he left me four. Just four."


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