It’s been afew months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blownrelationship. Now is usually the point where things start going tothe dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud ofsmoke。

　　几个月过去了，曾经的美好早已支离破碎。到底是什么让这段完美的感情走到尽头，烟消云散?

　　This timeit’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfectand you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Justmake sure you’re not making any of the following commonrelationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make itsappearance once again。

　　这次要做点改变。下一段感情一定要完美，你不能再犯同样的错误。先看看下面一些常见的感情错误，确保不再犯，否则乌云还是会再次出现影响你们的感情。

　　1. Don’tStand Up For Yourself

　　不为自己说话

　　This is anall too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling oflack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but itmanifests itself differently。

　　这是男女之间太常见的问题。这一习惯的背后是两性之间自我价值的缺失感，只是表达方式有所不同。

　　Some menthink that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have tosubmit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her,she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further fromthe truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems asif men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover whoputs up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. Theyvacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfectmedian. They end up resenting their partner instead of lovingthem。

　　有些男人觉得要想一直取悦女人就必须给她想要的一切。一旦他们在某点上不赞同女友，便会马上被甩。这可真是大错特错。女人们想要的是坚强的绅士，不是宠物。似乎男人们总觉得眼前只有两个选择：(1)忍受所有事情的好好先生;(2)大男子主义的霸权男。他们在两者之间跳跃，却忽视了其实有一个完美的中间状态。到最后他们就由爱生恨。

　　The same istrue for women, except women will almost always express theirresentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this!There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think forherself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes himwith her passive aggressive tactics。

　　这点对于女人也同样适用，只是女人常常以被动的形式来表达自己的怨恨。千万别这样!根本不需要。男人不想要一个完全不为自己考虑的女人，又或是假装赞成他所有观点再用被动的情绪暗暗惩罚他的女人。

　　2.Accept Sacrifice As A Rule

　　把牺牲当成规则

　　Most peopleare under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’tget me wrong, I know that relationships require work andcompromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell youwhy。

　　很多人都觉得爱情需要牺牲。别误会我的意思，我知道感情需要努力和妥协，但绝对不需要牺牲。我来给你们解释一下。

　　In anygiven situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something youvalue more for something you value less. When you practice thisconcept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead,understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respectthat he or she will not and should not change everythingjust becauseyou asked。

　　在任何情况下，牺牲都意味着你需要放弃某些自己珍视的东西，来获得你不是那么在乎的东西。如果在一段感情里，你做出了牺牲，只会滋长你的怨恨和愤怒。相反，你需要理解另一半遇到你之前的生活，尊重他，不要希冀他会因为你的要求改变所有的事情。

　　Forexample, if your partner has a friend that makes you reallyuncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings foryour partner. You have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to ahealthy relationship:

　　比如，你的另一半有一个让你觉得非常不舒服的朋友，因为他/她也对你的另一半有感觉，这种情况下你有三种选择：只有一种做法是最合适正确的。

　　Ask yourpartner to stop being friends with this person as a necessarysacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship withyou。

　　让另一半远离这个人，就当是为了你俩的感情做出的牺牲。

　　Pretendlike you don’t care until all hell breaks out。

　　假装完全不在意，直到自己再也受不了。

　　Tell yourpartner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviateyour fears. Maybe they invite you to becomefriends with this person, or they decide to not do certain thingstogether, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both ofyou。

　　告诉另一半你的感受，看看如何减少自己的恐惧。也许他们会让你和这个人也去成为朋友，或是他们决定再也不一起做某些特定的事情。这样对你俩都有好处。

　　You shouldnever feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to giveup for your significant other, unless your relationship is worthway more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the housefor this person, or move across the country and give up your housebecause you want them in your life. Remember to do so because youwant to and not because you have to。

　　你也不能勉强自己去做任何牺牲，除非这段感情非常非常重要，值得去放弃其他。也许你可以为了这个人在房子里戒烟。或是为了在一起搬离这座城市。要记住确保这些都是你自己想做的，而非不得不做的。

　　3. RelyOn Telepathy To Communicate

　　依赖心灵感应的交流

　　Contrary topopular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both menand women equally。

　　和大众观点相反，这也是男女之间最容易犯的错误。

　　Gentlemen.Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’regorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you careabout them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say itthey’ll never know. So remember, say it and say itoften。

　　男人们，别认为你的另一半知道在你眼里她们很美丽，别觉得无需多说到底你有多在乎她们。她们不会读心术，如果你不说，她们永远不会知道，所以记住，要说出来，经常说。

　　Ladies. Iknow you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’sbothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want tobelieve that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or,even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, weknow that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have toget over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when hemakes you angry, becausehe literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promisethat he’s not ignoring you or doing somethingto spite you.He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do betternext time and how to make it OK this time。

　　女人们，我知道被一个男人理解你的烦心事是多么浪漫的一件事，但这毫不实际。女人们总是希望另一半恰恰好了解到底出了什么问题，或甚至是该怎么把事情做对。相信我，虽然这会破坏你们的幻想，但是你必须要克服这种想法。你必须告诉他到底他做了什么让你生气，因为他的确不知道。难以置信是么?我打赌他并不是忽视你，又或是故意做其他事惹你生气，他是真的没有意识到。告诉他，然后让他下次改进以及这次如何弥补。

　　4. SlackOff As Soon As Possible

　　很快就懈怠

　　Now thatyou’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy.Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning isstarting to fade away。

　　当两个人在一起十分舒服，你便开始有些懈怠了。所有另一半爱你的一切慢慢消失不见。

　　Guys.Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romanticand you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he hereanymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doingthese things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s goingto be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extramile and you’ll be left in the dust。

　　男人们。想想你上次表现的又贴心和周到是什么时候?你是多么的浪漫和细心，这个你去哪里了?为什么现在不再是这样，怎么才能把那个他找回来呢?不是说得到她之后你就可以减少关心在乎，不然你就小心一个绅士不知不觉把你的女友抢走吧。

　　Womenaren’t off the hook either. It’s about doing the best you can withwhat you have and taking pride in your appearance. It soundsshallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attractedto a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a womanwho loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself forlonger than 3 months。

　　女人们也别懈怠下来。好好的收拾下自己，为自己的外表自豪。这听起来有点肤浅，但一个懒女人和一个美女人，你觉得你男友会选谁?最终就是，他会选择去找一个既爱自己又懂得照顾自己超过三个月的女人。

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（责任编辑：何莹莹）