Pay a compliment

　　恭维

　　Why is it so easy to forget someone’s name within seconds of meeting them? Because, you weren’t really listening—you were too busy thinking about what to say next. One easy way to skirt that natural selfishness and propel awkward conversations forward is to open with flattery. When you meet someone for the first time, “Pay that person a compliment when repeating their name, thus helping to anchor and embed it even deeper into your memory,” says professional mentalist Oz Pearlman, who sometimes has to remember the names of hundreds of people he just met for his act. If you compliment Alyssa on her necklace, you instantly prime your brain to recall her name the next time you see that necklace, Pearlman says. “As a bonus, everyone enjoys flattery, so that compliment can go a long way toward you being remembered as well.” Check out these other 15 ways to avoid a severely awkward situation.

　　为什么一见面就很容易忘记别人的名字?因为，你没有认真听你在想接下来该说什么。一个简单的方法可以避开这种天生的自私，推动尴尬的谈话向前发展，就是用奉承来开场。当你第一次遇见某人时，“在重复他们的名字的时候给他们一个赞美，这样有助于锚定并将其更深入地嵌入你的记忆，”职业精神学家奥兹·珀尔曼说，他有时不得不记住他为自己的行为遇到的数百人的名字。佩尔曼说，如果你称赞艾莉莎的项链，下次看到那条项链时，你会立刻启动大脑回忆起她的名字。“作为奖励，每个人都喜欢恭维，这样恭维也能在很大程度上帮助你被记住。”看看下面的15种方法，以避免出现严重尴尬的情况。

　　Ask lots of questions—good questions

　　问很多好问题

　　Research shows that in conversations with unfamiliar people, we tend to rate the experience based on our own performance, not theirs. What’s more: the experience of talking about ourselves can be more pleasurable than food or money. So, how do you give your conversation partner the pleasure of a good conversation? Ask them questions—a lot of questions, and ones that call for more than vague one-word answers (a good rule is, if your question can be answered with “fine,” don’t ask it). Avoid work if you can; instead, ask about play—”What keeps you busy outside of work?” is a good place to start. According to Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, one question pretty much guaranteed to put someone in a positive mindset and open doors to their personality: “What has the highlight of your year been so far?” This allows the person to show you her best self and, if her highlight includes a topic you’re interested in too, may lay the groundwork for a true friendship. Use these other tricks to stop awkward silence on a first date.

　　研究表明，在与不熟悉的人交谈时，我们倾向于根据自己的表现而不是他们的表现来评价经验。更重要的是：谈论自己的经历可能比食物或金钱更令人愉快。那么，你如何给你的谈话伙伴一个愉快的谈话?向他们提问——很多问题，以及需要一个词以上模糊答案的问题(一个好的规则是，如果你的问题可以用“好”来回答，不要问)。如果可以的话，尽量避免工作;相反，问问玩的事-“什么让你在工作之外忙?“是一个很好的开始。据《闲聊的艺术》一书的作者黛布拉·费恩说，有一个问题几乎可以肯定会让一个人有一个积极的心态，打开一扇通向个性的大门：“你这一年的亮点到目前为止是什么?“这可以让她向你展示她最好的自我，如果她的亮点也包括你感兴趣的话题，可能会为真正的友谊打下基础。在第一次约会时，用这些技巧来阻止尴尬的沉默。

　　Make a game out of small talk

　　用闲聊做游戏

　　If you keep feeding a person questions and they keep giving you nothing back, go for the jugular and make it a game. According to Jeanne Martinet, author of The Art of Mingling, small talk should be playful like a game of tennis, not serious like a job interview. Her go-to game? “I’ll say something like, ‘Tell me three things about your company, and I’ll guess what company it is.’ Or, ‘What’s that you’re drinking? Wait—let me guess.’ Get them into the spirit.” Start awkward conversations on the right note with these 37 conversation starters that make you instantly more interesting.

　　如果你不停地问别人问题，而他们却不给你任何回报，那就去找颈静脉，把它变成一个游戏。《交融的艺术》一书的作者珍妮·马丁内特认为，闲聊应该像打网球一样好玩，而不是像面试一样严肃。她去比赛了?“我会说，‘告诉我你公司的三件事，我猜是哪家公司。’或者，‘你喝的是什么?’等等，让我猜猜。让他们进入精神状态。用这37个对话开头，在正确的音符上开始尴尬的对话，让你立刻变得更有趣。

　　Try to make their day better

　　努力让他们的日子过得更好

　　If your conversation partner still isn’t biting, make things even easier for them by asking games researcher Jane McGonigal’s favorite question: “On a scale of one to ten, how was your day?” Anyone can think of a number between one and ten, McGonigal says, and they’re likely to elaborate on their answer as they go. But it gets even better. After they respond, ask them this: “Is there anything I can do to move you from a six to a seven (or a three to a four, etc.)?” You’d be surprised how happy this little gesture will make someone. Try these other things good listeners do in daily conversations.

　　如果你的谈话对象仍然不咬人，问游戏研究人员简·麦戈尼格尔最喜欢的问题：“从1到10分，你今天过得怎么样?“任何人都能想到一到十之间的数字，”麦戈尼格尔说，他们很可能会详细说明自己的答案。但它变得更好了。在他们回答之后，问他们：“我能做些什么让你从六岁变成七岁(或者从三岁变成四岁，等等)?“你会很惊讶这个小小的动作会让人多么高兴。试试好的听众在日常对话中做的其他事情。

　　Play the sympathy card

　　打同情牌

　　Ready for a cheater’s way to advance awkward conversations? Memorize three magic words: “that sounds hard.” “Nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult,” entrepreneur Paul Ford wrote in his viral essay, “How to Be Polite.” “I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when I told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and Jessica Simpson.”

　　准备好接受骗子的方式来推进尴尬的对话了吗?记住三个神奇的词：“听起来很难。”“世界上几乎每个人都认为自己的工作很难，”企业家保罗·福特在他的病毒式文章《如何礼貌》中写道，“我曾经参加过一个聚会，遇到一个非常漂亮的女人，她的工作是帮助名人穿上哈里·W的衣服。”Inston珠宝。我可以说，她很失望被介绍给这个穿着非品牌衬衫、满脸皱纹的巨人，但当我告诉她，她的工作听起来对我来说很困难时，她变得开朗起来，连续30分钟都在谈论蓝宝石和杰西卡·辛普森。”