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双语:对孩子大声嚷嚷会造成什么后果?

2018-09-14 13:57

来源:纽约时报

作者:

  The use of spanking to discipline children has been in decline for 50 years. But yelling? Almost everybody still yells at their kids sometimes, even the parents who know it doesn’t work. Yelling may be the most widespread parental stupidity around today.

  50年来,用打屁股的方式来管教孩子的现象越来越少。但大喊大叫呢?几乎所有人还是会不时地对孩子们嚷嚷,即使是那些知道这么做没用的父母。吼叫可能是当今为人父母者最不明智的行为。

  Households with regular shouting incidents tend to have children with lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression. A 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development demonstrated that yelling produces results similar to physical punishment in children: increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems.

  在经常大喊大叫的家庭,子女的自尊心往往较弱,抑郁的比例更高。2014年发表在《儿童发育杂志》(Journal of Child Development)上的一项研究表明,冲着孩子大喊大叫会产生类似于体罚的后果:焦虑、压力和抑郁程度增加,行为问题也随之增加。

  How many times in your parenting life have you thought to yourself, after yelling at your kids, “Well, that was a good decision...”?

  在你为人父母的经历中,你有多少次在对孩子嚷嚷后想过“嗯,这么做对不对”?

  It doesn’t make you look authoritative. It makes you look out of control to your kids. It makes you look weak. And you’re yelling, let’s be honest, because you are weak. Yelling, even more than spanking, is the response of a person who doesn’t know what else to do.

  嚷嚷无助于你树立权威。这只会让孩子觉得你失控。让你看起来软弱无能。实话说吧,你之所以大喊大叫就是因为你没辙。嚷嚷甚于打屁股,是父母不知道还能怎么办的反应。

  But most parents — myself included — find it hard to imagine how to get through the day without yelling. The new research on yelling presents parents with twin problems: What do I do instead? And how do I stop?

  但大多数家长——包括我自己在内,发现不用嚷嚷就能度过一天真的很难。关于喊叫的最新研究向父母提出了两个问题:我应该怎么做?要怎么改掉这个习惯?

  Yelling to stop your kids from running into traffic is not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about yelling as a form of correction. Yelling for correction is ineffective as a tool and merely imprints the habit of yelling onto the children. We yell at our kids over the same stuff every day, and we yell at them some more because the original yelling doesn’t work. Put your clothes away. Come down for dinner. Don’t ride the dog. Stop hitting your brother.

  我们在这里讨论的,不是你大声喊叫提醒孩子小心汽车。我们说的是把吼叫作为一种纠正方式。作为一种工具,纠正性的大喊大叫是没有效果的,不过是对孩子习惯性的嚷嚷而已。我们每天会因为同样的事情对子女叫喊,而且由于觉得没有效果,还要越叫越凶。把衣服放好!下来吃饭!不要骑在狗身上!别老打你弟弟!

  The mere knowledge that yelling is bad, in itself, won’t help, said Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale. Yelling is not a strategy, it’s a release.

  耶鲁大学的心理学和儿童精神病学教授艾伦·卡兹丁(Alan Kazdin)说,仅仅知道大喊大叫本身不好是没有用的。它其实并非一种管教孩子的策略,而是你自己的一种发泄手段。

  “If the goal of the parent is catharsis, I want to get this out of my system and show you how mad I am, well, yelling is probably perfect,” Dr. Kazdin said. “If the goal here is to change something in the child or develop a positive habit in the child, yelling is not the way to do that.” There are other strategies, and they don’t involve screaming like a maniac.

  “如果父母的目的是宣泄,我想消消气,并且向你表明我有多生气,好吧,大喊大叫可能是完美的,”卡兹丁说。“如果目标是改变孩子的某些方面,或者在孩子身上培养一种积极的习惯,那么大喊大叫可就行不通了。”还有其他的策略,无需你像疯子一样喊叫。

  Many think of positivity as a form of laziness, as if parents who are positive aren’t disciplining their children. But not yelling requires advance planning and discipline for the parents, which yelling doesn’t.

  很多人认为,积极正面其实是一种懒惰的表现形式,就好像那些积极正面的父母根本不会管孩子。但不许嚷嚷需要父母有提前的规划和纪律,而嚷嚷则不然。

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